The Color Of An Apple
by TwoAsiansOnCrack
Summary: This is the story of Rosalyn, the most perfect Mary-Sue ever. She is dropped unexpectedly into the world of Death Note and wreaks havoc with her perfectness, and the only one immune to her is... MATSUDA!   PS: Good reviewers get cameos. *shameless*
1. Prologue Of Perfectness

Hello everyone! Christian Jaw here, with Crane Yank. This is our teeny inside peek (you know, like, when a hot girl flashes you) of our up and coming story of the Perfect Rosalyn, who is indeed Perfect.

**Disclaimer**: We are not affiliated with the creators / makers / fathers and/or mothers of Death Note.

This a parody! Don't hate, plis! ;D

PS. We actually don't write like this. If we did, I would have killed myself a long time ago.

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Rosalyn was perfect.

No, scratch that._ B__eyond simply _perfect: she was the most beautiful girl in all the worlds.

Her long, dark, perfect, rippling hair fell past her perfect, doll-like, porcelain face; her dark, fiery, piercing eyes were a delicious red, like the color of a ripe cherry, except perfect.

No one could resist her looks!

Any man would be consumed by the force of her beauty! There was absolutely no doubt about it. No doubt at all.

She stood at a perfect height for the average girl, the height at which made her perfect in every situation. She was slim, beautiful, breathtaking at every possible angle, even from the behind, for then you could admire the perfect shape of her perfectly sculpted buttocks, which was, in every sense, perfect. Even her fingernails were perfect: they always, always had some sort of special, unique design on them even without the paint!.

But alas, she wasn't only beautiful. She was kind. She had compassion. Her perfect eyes would glisten with tears at even the slightest sign of another's pain or discomfort. But even as those perfect drops moved down her glowing cheeks, leaving only the most delicate tracks, her eyes would gaze at the hurt person, and she would whisper comforting words that would make one know that they have seen perfection. Oh, the compassion in her eyes!

And ah, her voice! More splendid than a thousand tinkling wind-chimes, her voice was the harmony of the world. Her words made a melody, more charming than the heart and soul of the most skillful orchestras. When she sang, random passersby would stop and admire the musical notes emitting from her perfect vocal chords; the sound of a pure waterfall crashing perfectly and gracefully onto clear crystal!

But Rosalyn wasn't just perfect. She was in the Death God World. That's right. Death. God. World. MLIA.

And she was kneeling before the ever prestigious Death King.

But Rosalyn wasn't afraid. Oh, no, not at all. A girl like her would never be scared of anything. Rosalyn just trembled timidly, looking innocent with her huge eyes, fear emanating from her (now) sad, sad, small body in front of the Death King.

The Death King saw how beautiful she was. And how perfect Rosalyn was. And he said quietly, "What did you do, bring a human here, Ryuk! That has never, EVER, happened before." But it happened now. Because, you know, Rosalyn was perfect.

But Rosalyn, sensing the danger Ryuk had in store for her, started weeping. And her sapphire eyes (her perfect eyes flash different shades of color perfectly at the perfect times) were so sad and so innocent that the Death King's heart melted just the tiniest bit (despite the fact that the Death King doesn't even have a heart ), and he decided to spare her life because she was so beautiful and perfect. Rosalyn, being the perfect, beautiful, gorgeous, heart-wrenching tragic girl she was, made him realize that he did have a heart, somewhere deep down in his apple-filled belly.

And to apologize for his rash behavior, the Death King decided to grant Rosalyn not one, not two, but SIX Death Notes! That's right kids, SIX Death Notes on this exclusive TV offer! And when you call in the next five minutes, you'll get another one FREE! But wait! There's more! If you're perfect and beautiful like Rosalyn, you'll get all six at no cost at all. NO COST AT ALL. But Rosalyn is the sole human worthy of the definition of "perfect," so too bad. Sorry kids.

The Death King suddenly became very fond of Rosalyn, and wanted to woo her. Or something. But that doesn't really work considering that Death Gods don't uh, you know, mate. But Rosalyn was perfect.

She could do ANYTHING.

He thus granted her Shinigami eyes, which as all of you know, take away half your lifespan. But not for Rosalyn. Rosalyn got them for free.

Because she was perfect.

She could not be killed by a Death Note, for the Death King had hidden her name forever and ever. No one could kill her with a Death Note...

And the Death King even extended her life ten times so she would live a thousand years!

A thousand years.

And she would never age, and thus her beauty would be frozen forever. Or as near as forever as it gets.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, great Death King!" cried Rosalyn, her now rose-colored eyes welling up with tears of gratitude. And all the Shinigami in the Death God World stopped what they were doing—gambling or whatnot—and instead listened to her beautiful and melodious and perfect voice.

And from that moment on, all the Shinigami knew, like the Death God, that they had a heart, somewhere deep down, and that Rosalyn was indeed the most perfect human they would ever meet.

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Thank you for reading. You may tear out your eyes now.

Reviews are welcome ;D


	2. The Sparkling Start

Hello everyone, Christian Jaw (And Crane Yank, but she's eating lunch at the moment) here! We're here to present to you the first chapter of our amazing trilogy of Rosalyn the Perfect Forevermore. Or something.

Thank you for reading! Reviews or we'll cut you! *winks*

I would like to give a warm shoutout to Amazeedayzee and Karen Number Two for helping us edit this, we couldn't have written such a terrib- uh, I mean, awesome story without you!

Remember this is a parody... Hehe.

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Matsuda was watching Ouran High School Host Club and Lucky Star on the investigation computer, as usual. Oh, the wonders of Youtube. Anyway... moving on...

It was quiet throughout the entire fifty-story building, and the only sound came from Ryuzaki munching on a compressed sugar cube. Light was investigating the Kira case, but in his twisted, perverted mind, he was actually thinking about Ryuza- I mean, uh, how to kill L. Misa was preening herself on the floor while kicking Mogi. All in all, a regular day in the building.

But suddenly!

They saw sparkles in the air. A flash of light. Edward Cullen cried, "Oh, for the love of pancakes! Herp derp!"

Just kidding. We hate Twilight.

Regardless, there is no way Edward Cullen's sparkles can hold their own against Rosalyn's perfect ones. Not that she actually sparkles; she's far too perfect to sparkle. She _glows_. Not a literal glow, like her face is a lamp. She glows with life, with beauty, with- Ah screw it. But know that the light in her glowing cheeks dull even the sun!

But anyhow! There was a flash of light coupled with a loud bang, like a wizard splinching himself, and suddenly an angelic, heavenly girl floated softly, oh, ever so softly from the spot of light on the ceiling. Everyone was captivated, and she fell directly into Matsuda's arms, who had stood up to stretch.

There was a deep, dramatic silence. (Except Ryuzaki was still munching on his compressed sugar cube.)

"What the hell?" said Matsuda. He shrieked, like the real man he was, breaking the awed silence, his pupils dilating in shock. His body went rigid from the sheer terror of having a perfect girl fall out of nowhere into his arms, and would have dropped her had she not been perfect. But even if he had dropped her she wouldn't have bruised. Perfection doesn't bruise, sweetheart.

But Rosalyn, with her perfect reactions, gracefully regained her balance and remained resting just as beautifully as before.

Matsuda blanched.

"Oh," she said, quietly, ever so quietly, and everyone perked up at the sound of her tinkling voice. Like silver wind chimes, only more perfect and more silver. "Where... where am I?" Her eyelids fluttered open, eyelashes ever so long, her perfect crimson red eyes shocking everyone in the room.

"Ma`am," said Light courteously, striding over to Matsuda, who was still holding the somehow feather-light angel in his arms. "You are in the Touto building." Everyone else was frozen, staring at her beauty.

Rosalyn glanced at Light. She looked at the angled cheeks, the Asian highlighted hair. And looked at his age, but there was none to be found. He, she knew, was Kira.

But she didn't give him away, for she knew that he was desperately grasping at ends. Her eyes involuntarily welled up with tears, because she knew the pain and hurt he had hidden deep down that caused him to kill, to tame his insecurity. She _couldn't_ give him away. Still she blinked back her tears, forcing the stinging sensation down. She would not cry out of pity, not this time.

Ryuzaki was still munching on his compressed sugar cube.

"The Touto building, is it?" Rosalyn said, mildly bemused but retaining that calm, innocent gentleness she had. "I... I see."

Her perfect scarlet eyes glanced at Matsuda, and noticed his discomfort. Light helped her out from Matsuda's grasp. His (Matsuda's) sigh of relief did not go unnoticed. He was rewarded by a sharp glare from Light, a look that plainly showed his protectiveness over this young, perfect girl who everyone immediately felt a sweet affection for. Matsuda muttered an apology, which everyone then ignored.

Meanwhile, Ryuzaki, who was still munching on his compressed sugar cube, noticed a feeling bubble within his chest as he gazed at the girl.

_This feeling,_ he thought. _I've never felt it before._

"My name is Rosalyn, and I'm addicted to justice."

"Hi Rosalyn."

Um. Moving on.

"My name is Rosalyn," said Rosalyn. A deep sigh of contentment raised from everyone in the room upon hearing her perfect, melodious voice.

Everyone stared at her with admiration in their own eyes, which dulled in comparison to Rosalyn's clear, shining orbs.

Ryuzaki finally spoke.

"My angel."

A stunned silence followed his words. Matsuda tripped in shock. He succeeded in banging his head on a leather chair.

"My _angel_," Ryuzaki repeated, a bit louder this time.

"Ruh - yoo - zaki," said Light slowly, his eyebrows disappearing under his neatly chopped Asian haircut. "Are you out of your mind?"

But in Light's own mind, had he not any dignity, he would have thrown himself before Rosalyn's feet and kissed them. He did not blame Ryuzaki for such a reaction... Not at all.

Throughout the entire time, Misa still had not spoken. But now she gushed, "OH EM GEE! YOU'RE _GORGUSH, _DARLING!!!1!1ELEVENTYONE!!1!" She shrieked, wishing that she had Rosalyn's looks and perfection.

"Oh... th-thank you," said Rosalyn, a rosy glow filling her creamy, fair cheeks. "B... But I'm really n-not. You flatter me..." She batted her eyelashes timidly, glancing up at everyone from beneath those silky, dreamy, _perfect_ eyes.

There was a small pause.

"I'm... pretty thirsty," admitted Rosalyn. Now, there are many dirty jokes we can put here, but we won't because we are innocent, perfectly clean-as-snow-souled children. Rosalyn had not taken a drink ever since she somehow wound up in the Death Note world.

"I'LL GET YOU A DRINK," thundered Mogi, standing up immediately.

"No, I will!" cried Light, who promptly dashed out of the door and into the elevator, but was tackled by Misa, who had also volunteered to go.

Ryuzaki offered Rosalyn a compressed sugar cube. "Uh, thanks," said Rosalyn with a bright smile that would melt even the coldest of Akatsuki's hearts, for she knew that it was the thought that counts.

Matsuda was the only one not dashing for a drink. In fact, he was on the ground, suffering through the aftermaths of a mild headache from 1) Rosalyn and 2) smashing his head on that leather chair. No one, however, seemed to be concerned about him. Misa returned triumphantly from her trip, a glass of vodka in her hands.

"I forgot this was in my purse," she said apologetically, handing the vodka to Rosalyn.

"Oh, thank you!" said Rosalyn courteously, smiling her crooked-but-still-somehow-dazzling smile at Misa. Misa felt weak in the knees as she witnessed it.

Rosalyn, of course, was perfect and innocent, but she never drank alcohol without thinking. But, whenever she did, and/or to an excess, she would never, _ever _get drunk (or get a hangover for that matter). While everyone else lay on the couch moaning in the morning and puking their guts out in the bathroom sinks, Rosalyn would be the kind person in the kitchen preparing everyone orange juice and bacon and toast (for she knew how to cook without any lessons).

Light brought back black coffee.

Mogi? A Jamba Juice.

And Ryuzaki... a compressed sugar cube. Again. Which she tossed ever-so-gracefully into Light's black coffee.

After everyone returned with their drinks, Rosalyn drank them all politely (except for Misa's, which she only drank a mouthful or two).

Everyone tried to resume working on the Kira case, but they couldn't resist stealing glances at the angelic girl, who was visibly emitting light while sitting on the corner trying to not distract anyone. Wild thoughts raced through Rosalyn's head: _Why was Kira working with L? Did Kira like L? Did L like Kira? Why does Misa keep looking at me like that?_

[ _Author's note_: Misa looked like this.

Misa: ಠ___ಠ ]

Finally, the day came to a close, and Rosalyn had nowhere to stay. Everyone on the investigation team (except for Matsuda, who had passed out on the couch from his head injury) was huddled in the corner, arguing passionately on who got to take Rosalyn home. They finally chose to play the game rock-paper-scissors.

"What's that?" asked Ryuzaki blankly.

"It's a very serious game," explained Mogi, who was indeed looking very serious like always. "Rock beats scissor, scissor beats pape-"

"Noobies always have to use rock," interjected Misa.

"No, they don't," argued Light, who, at the speed of light, had calculated who was going to choose what depending on their personality.

Finally, they played rock-paper-scissors. Mogi won.

"Stop!" commanded Light, pointing an accusing finger at Mogi. "Your throw was too slow!"

"You know the lingo! You hustin` me?" cried Mogi. "Fine! A rematch it is!"

Light won. Mogi gnashed his teeth in frustration, and vowed to take revenge someday.

Ryuzaki tugged Light over and hissed in his ear. "Yo, she is quite... hawt." Light gave Ryuzaki a startled look.

Ryuzaki went on. "And if I here a single peep of distress from this young... ange-, uh, girl, be prepared." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Light sweatdropped.

Rosalyn spoke up, bringing everyone to their knees in awe, once again, with her perfect voice.

"I have no problems about it, and I am absolutely sure that Light won't cause me any harm," she said with a small smile. She spoke as if she had known Light-kun for years, but considering that Rosalyn was perfect, she probably did.

Light shot Ryuzaki a look that plainly said, _Hah!  
_  
"Well, let's go," said Light, extending an arm to Rosalyn, who took it and walked ever so perfectly out onto the elevator. Light didn't look back at anyone on the investigation team.

The entire room seemed darker and gloomier than before because of the absence of the angel. Mogi and Misa were both clutching each other and sobbing quietly into each other's arms.

There was a silence, and Ryuzaki was crushing several sugar cubes between his knuckles as if each cube had done him great personal wrong. Ryuzaki's expression was a mask, although the way he was smashing the sugar cubes was... menancing.

Finally, though, the silence was broken by Matsuda, who sat up and groaned. "What happened?" He muttered, his eyes darting across the room. "What happened to that weird girl?"

"WEIRD GIRL?!" roared Ryuzaki, standing up suddenly and knocking over the table, sending sugar cubes and papers flying everywhere. "HOW DARE YOU!" He pointed a trembling finger at Matsuda, and Ryuzaki, his face white with rage, screamed, "I WILL NOT TOLERATE FOR THIS, MATSUDA! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, AND DON'T YOU **EVER **COME BACK!" Screw the fact that it's a hotel room.

Matsuda gave a startled yelp and scrambled on all fours to the elevator, grabbing his suitcase and punched the buttons quickly.

_Oh my god. Oh. My. Effing. God. That girl's addled their brains! I swear!_ thought Matsuda. He shuddered at the mere thought of her. Matsuda's heart was still beating wildly from Ryuzaki's explosion. _I must find out more about her... she's going to kill everyone at this rate. _And he pictured her with horns sprouting out of her head. Matsuda chuckled evilly, and strided confidently away into the dark night...

_Oh, little girl, you better be prepared..._

_

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If you actually lasted throughout the whole thing, I am very impressed.

Guys, remember... ...

**REVIEWS OR WE'LL CUT YOU.**_  
_


	3. Light's Love

Hello and welcome to Chapter Two of our dramatic and most epic saga ever. I am your host, Christian Jaw, and this... IS AMERICAN IDOL! Jk.

Hey guys, in a desperate attempt to get more subscribers / reviews, if you give us a smexy review, YOU MIGHT GET INTO THE STORY! Oh, and mebbe your chances will get even higher if you subscribe to us. Oh, and did we mention you MIGHT BE IN THE STORY?!

Well, not like, a big part, but perhaps you may be a passerby. For example:

_"A random passerby named xXXxDarkXxXSunxXx tripped and fell as he witnessed Rosalyn's perfectness."_

Oh, and if you send someone our story, make sure to give yourself credit (the person that got referred must send in a review saying 'I got referred here by __insert your user here__').

And whatnot.

_**

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_**Light's Love  
**_

__It was a perfect, sultry summer night. And all was silent.

Except for two people walking along the dark, dimly lit suburban roads. Fireflies hovered lazily around the street lamps, creating flickering lights, which cast a romantic feel in the air.

And Light thought, with a smirk on his face, _This is perfect. Just... perfect. _And in Light's sick, perverted, twisted mind, he was thinking about what to do with Ryuz- Uh, I mean, Rosalyn, when they got home together... locked in a room... in the dark... with a large, comfortable bed next to them.

And Light could not contain his excitement! He glanced to his side, and saw how the dull street lights illuminated her perfect face. How her dark, rippling, long hair fell past onto her knees and flowed ever so gracefully, like an elegant river trailing behind her. And her eyes! Oh, her perfect eyes. How... _perfect _they were!

Light cleared his throat, breaking the awkward-but-romantic silence.

"We're... we're here," Light murmured quietly, opening the gate with a small squealing noise. And walk in she did. Although it was more like a graceful floating motion. "Uhm, go on in," he muttered, unsure of what to say to this stunning girl. Rosalyn gave Light a small, uneasy perfect smile, and opened the door.

Saiyu and Mrs. Yagami were watching television together, but once Rosalyn timidly opened the door, they fell silent, awestruck by the force of her awesome, perfect beauty that so awesomely, perfectly illuminated the entire room, which had suddenly become infinitely more awesome and perfect because Rosalyn had stepped into it in the most awesome and perfect way.

"Koniichiwa," whispered Rosalyn politely, and all at once, the two women sitting on the couch were once again struck dumb by her perfect, perfect Japanese, which had no traces of any accent, even though she obviously wasn't Japanese.

"This is Rosalyn," said Light. "She..."

It was then that he realized how ridiculous he would sound if he said "She felt out of nowhere." Besides, Rosalyn was _perfect_, so she wouldn't "fall out of nowhere." That would be an insult to the beautiful, perfect girl.

Rosalyn glanced her perfect eyes in Light's direction and immediately understood his quagmire.

"Is... is it okay if I stay over tonight?" Rosalyn asked, in her most polite tone, changing the subject at the speed of light.

Saiyu showed the slightest hesitation, and Mrs. Yagami was instantly riled at her daughter's hesitation in accepting this once-in-a-lifetime offer. Shooting a fierce glare at Saiyu, she put her arm around Rosalyn in a motherly fashion.

"Here," said Mrs. Yagami. "This way." She guided Rosalyn to the couch, and Saiyu stared a little too reverently at Rosalyn's back.

_If I were a guy, I'd totally hit on Rosalyn, _thought Saiyu to herself. _But not in this lifetime... too much surgery._

"Where'd you get a girl like _that_?" mouthed to Light. He strode over to her and bent down to whisper fiercely in her ear. "Don't you dare speak of Rosalyn like that," the words escaping his teeth in a dark hiss. "She's a messenger, sent from God himself! She fell from the sky. She's... she's going to be a revolution!"

_And my future wife __when I become __God of the new world_, Light thought privately to himself. He could not help but put on his creepy rape face smile.

He wrenched up Rosalyn's arm, not wanting to share her with anyone else. "Come, let's go," he muttered into her ear. She nodded mildly and followed him up to his room.

Finally, Light and Rosalyn were alone in Light's room. Light turned off the lights, locked the door, lit some fragrant candles and scattered roses around the room. He put on some great baby-making music (For example, 'Sorry Sorry Answer Song' by Super Junior). And then, Light posed exotically onto his suddenly king-sized bed and had a rose clamped in his mouth. And for the full creepy effect, he grabbed his crotch and looked invitingly at Rosalyn.

Rosalyn stared at Light innocently, as if she had no idea what Light was trying to say. In all truth, Rosalyn DID have no idea what Light was doing, because Rosalyn is perfect, and therefore as innocent as new-fallen snow. Or something like that.

"Um, Light. I have something to say," whispered Rosalyn.

"What is it?" asked Light breathlessly, eagerness swelling up in his pants as his sick, perverted fantasies went into overdrive.

"You're... you're Kira, aren't you?"

_She knows...__** she knows**__! _he thought epically. But he had wanted to tell her himself, for if she was to be his future wife, she had to know the truth about her future husband.

But she knew the question Light had before he could even ask her how she knew. She put her soft, perfect hand to his cheek and stroked it comfortingly in the perfect gesture of innocent friendship.

[A/N: AND HE JIZZED IN HIS PANTS.]

Rosalyn murmured gently, "Your secret is safe with me. For I, too, have been given this power of controlling death."

"You..."

And out of nowhere, Rosalyn whipped out her six Deathnotes! Six!

Light's eyes bulged with amazement, and he knew. He knew that she was THE ONE.

[A/N: The realization causing him to once again ruin his pants.]

And as delicate rose-colored orbs met brown, there was a moment. A moment of understanding which acknowledged the power that both beings held. For Light knew that this perfect girl was the true God, and that he could never comepete. He would follow this girl to the end of the world.

And he believed.

_Believed in what?_, you may ask. Well, we don't know either. But Rosalyn is perfect, so... Light just simply believed. And he became surer of his newly-found faith as he gazed into her pink eyes, which were so perfect, like a newly budding rose.

Rosalyn's pink eyes offered all the friendship and innocence in the world. But Light's perverted fantasies prevailed -- at least to himself -- and he saw the most _seductive_ eyes possible. He could feel his hormones rising rapidly, and he knew he had to do something. Something to distract him from this perfect girl sitting next to him on his bed. Or maybe something to make his fantasies into reality.

He leaned towards Rosalyn, tipping her face towards him with his gentle fingers. His other hands crawled slowly onto Rosalyn's lap. And Rosalyn just looked on, innocently, with no inkling at all of what he was doing. If Rosalyn were not perfect and she were some other hormone-crazed average teenager, she would have done something that would have been indecent to write by now. But she wasn't a hormone-crazed average teenager. She was Rosalyn, for God's sake! She was freaking _perfect. _

"Light," murmured Rosalyn. "I have a question..." And she cupped Light's hand (which was still laying on her lap in a most perverted fashion) and whispered into his ear.

"A question?" repeated Light, his eyes still lost within her suddenly serious, perfect, deep, dark red ones.

"Yes..."

"Anything for you, Rosalyn..."

"Who... who is your Shinigami?"

Light appeared most crestfallen at her question, for undoubtedly he was expecting something more...ah, exciting. Rosalyn swiftly scanned the entire room, and even though she could not see Ryuk, she looked directly into the direction he was at.

Ryuk saw her apple-colored eyes. And he knew he could drown forever in those deep, alluring, beautiful pools of depth. He also knew that he could give up eating apples forever, because who would need to eat apples after gazing at those beautiful, perfect eyes? Not Ryuk, at any rate.

Although Light was still trying do something very indecent, he decided that Rosalyn's desires were more important than his own. And so, Light stood up and took out his single Death Note, which looked pretty pathetic next to the six laying near Rosalyn's side.

"Here," he murmured. And Rosalyn extended one perfect finger, which was topped with the exact color of her eyes at the moment (a most serious and sparkling deep ruby which captured the color of the jewels encrusted in the hilt of Gryffindor's sword) toward the Death Note Light held out. There was a hushed silence, and then her red nail gently lay flat onto the black notebook. She turned around, and gasped.

"Ryuk! It's you," she said perfectly and breathlessly, for this was the Shinigami that had helped her in the Death God world. She continued in her perfect voice, perfectly. "How good to see you," and Ryuk could not agree more. All he could muster was a stunned nod, so amazed was he that Rosalyn actually spoke to _him, _he could have died from happiness.

"Where is your Shinigami, Rosalyn?" asked Light.

"I don't have one," Rosalyn explained. "I'm not sure why, but..."

Light nodded. He understood, for why would a perfect being like Rosalyn need a Shinigami?

Rosalyn yawned perfectly, her mouth a perfect 'O' shape, and at once, Light was insisting that she went to bed. Rosalyn did not hesitate, for she knew that she was indeed very tired. Rosalyn had had a long day. She settled into a settling, perfect sleep and her eyelashes fluttered shut perfectly. Light could only wonder at how perfect she looked when she slept, like an innocent baby angel.

So innocent, in fact, that Light could not bear to cause her any unnecessary harm!

And so, Light got comfortable with his carpet, as he fell into a relaxed sleep, content with the world.

* * *

Christian Jaw here. Thank you for reading Chapter Two, 'Light's Love'. We had extreme trouble writing this as we kept having writer's block and whatnot. Also, our Copy Editor Miss Amazeedayzee for she is in a super duper competition at the moment. Shout outs to her, yo. We send you our love and whatnot. I love using that word. WHATNOT. WHATNOT. Ohohoho.

Crane would like to add that Rosalyn's addled _her_ brains too. She was writing an essay for school and found herself randomly putting "perfect" into completely irrelevant contexts that don't even make sense, such as: "[His] perfect desire for his companion." And using what she and Jaw had dubbed "Rosalyn-styled writing."

Where is Karen #2? She must copy edit this for us.

Indeed.

Or what not. Crane Yank? Wherefore art thou Crane Yank?

I do believe that that is inquiring why I am Crane Yank. I AM BECAUSE I THINK. Wait, or was it the other way around? Murp.

I would not know. I suck at reading Shakespeare.


	4. L's Love

Hello, and welcome to the third chapter in the story of perfect Rosalyn, as written by Crane Yank and Christian Jaw. We apologize profusely because it was so slow in updating, but here it is!

Enjoy! We do not own Death Note, but we DO own Rosalyn…

Have fun reading, guys. Remember, if you give us a good review, you'll get in the story!

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The birds chirped as Rosalyn perfectly fluttered her eyelashes open.

She sat up perfectly in the most perfect way and perfectly rubbed her eyes, and her vision perfectly cleared up. She stretched perfectly and perfectly looked around her, her perfect memories rushing perfectly to her perfect head.

Okay. Done with the perfects. At least for now.

Light sat beside the bed, staring at Rosalyn with his creepy face. Rosalyn smiled back, not sure as to how to respond to his alarming expression.

"Good morning," whispered Light. He sniffed something out of his hand.

"What are you sniffing?" asked Rosalyn politely, her voice crystal clear even after just waking up.

"Your hair," he said without hesitation, as if this was the only way to charm the ladies. He opened his palm, and in there was a lock of Rosalyn's hair.

"Wonderful," exclaimed Rosalyn, although her face looked a bit disgusted and frightened. Not to say that her face wasn't in a perfect expression. Her face radiated the most perfect expression of being disgusted and frightened, but not in a bad way, because she was perfect. She turned and placed her feet on the floor. Immediately, Sayu and Mrs. Yagami burst into the room, each holding a tray of food.

"Here, Rosalyn," said Sayu breathlessly, thrusting a tray holding the most delicious delicacies of Japan into Rosalyn's lap. "We spent all night debating about what you would like to eat, and we didn't sleep a wink."

"Oh..." murmured Rosalyn, taking a nibble of a cake perfectly. "How much did it cost?", she asked,worried these two women would blow off so much money on her.

"Oh, nothing, dear!" tittered Mrs. Yagami rather hysterically, while also thrusting a tray of food into Rosalyn's arms. "Only next year's paycheck -- anything for you, Rosalyn!"

"No!" cried Rosalyn in a perfectly perfect expression of horror. "No! I can't ask you to do this for me!" And with that, she whipped out several thousand yen bills from nowhere. "Here," she said, "Arigatou." And she threw the wads of bills into the arms of the two women, who were dumbstruck that not only was this girl perfectly perfect, she could generate money from thin air. Light looked at her, star struck. And put on his creepy face again, involuntarily. _Rosalyn is _amazing_… I must make her my wife _today_!_

_

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Light strode into the Touto building and held the door open for Rosalyn, who stepped in perfectly. Everyone's attention immediately snapped to the perfect girl whose perfect presence brought a sort of perfect radiance to the room._

Ryuzaki sucked on a Ring Pop in his chair, staring at Rosalyn in a very intense way.

"EEP!" squealed Misa, who was somehow in the room before Light. She glomped Rosalyn, who smiled awkwardly-but-perfectly. Rosalyn patted Misa on the back, and Misa involuntarily burst into tears for having been embraced by this awesome, perfect being.

_This is my chance! _thought Light, heart pounding and blood thundering in his ears. _I... I must do it _now_!_

"I have an announcement to make," announced Light in a most announcing way. He turned to Rosalyn and took her hand with a very, very serious expression.

Light knelt before Rosalyn and pulled out a ring from his pocket. "Rosalyn," he began. Silence followed his words; everyone held their breath in anticipation. "You know I love you. Will you marr-"

Ryuzaki stood up abruptly. "NO," he roared, once he realized what Light was trying to do. He, too, knelt before Rosalyn and held out his Ring Pop (but not before shoving Light out of the way). "Rosalyn! My angel! Marry me instead!"

At once, Light clawed Ryuzaki across the face. It quickly turned into a catfight, involving plenty of hissing, scratching, shirt ripping, and hair-pulling (not to mention random Lolita Neko Girl noises).

Rosalyn backed (perfectly!) to the wall, and burst into perfect tears, clearly frightened by the vicious acts of intentional murder being done before her virgin eyes. "Stop! Stop fighting!" she cried perfectly, her face the perfect picture of a perfectly tragic heroine, and began to weep perfectly into her perfect hands. Mogi and Misa rushed to her assistance immediately, comforting her with silent words of... well, comfort.

Light and Ryuzaki did not stop clawing at each other. On the contrary, they had taken up a battle of rock - paper - scissors... a battle of epic proportions, one that could nearly rival that of the legendary showdown between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee.

"ROCK!" yelled Light.

"PAPER!" screamed Ryuzaki.

And together, they shrieked, "SCISSORS!" and brought down their hands at the exact same moment. The force of their ear blasting, high pitched squeals of deep dark hatred caused the delicate wine cups containing Ryuzaki's drinks (which were composed purely of sugar and water, but mostly sugar) to break, scattering glass shards all over the room. It flew everywhere, and light reflected off of them, making the room seem like a messed up disco ball.

Suddenly, time seemed to slow. Everyone flinched instinctively from the sound of shattering glass; Mogi and Misa both dove to protect Rosalyn from the deadly shards.

But Rosalyn, in all her perfect glory, leapt in front of the two. _I can't let them sacrifice themselves for me! _she thought epically. And she grabbed hot pink nunchucks (from nowhere, of course) and perfectly blocked all the shards of glass that came their way. The deadly pieces clattered onto the ground with a jolly ruckus as Rosalyn deflected them once and once again, her dark hair flowing behind her as she whipped back and forth, protecting Mogi and Misa from danger! And all Mogi and Misa could do was clutch each other in amazement, cowering, as this perfect girl saved their lives! Her nunchucks flew right, then left! And then... up! And… down! With each swing of her nunchucks, another piece of glass met its unfortunate fate. But alas! if only I were a piece of glass, that I could shatter by the hands of perfect, perfect Rosalyn.

The overall effect was very dramatic.

Meanwhile, Light and Ryuzaki had both played scissors, heavy scowls imprinted upon their angry, angry faces.

"Stop," whispered Rosalyn, whose nunchucks had vanished and all signs of heroic valor had been replaced by a ferocious meekness. Her red eyes blazing, sparkling, a fierce look on her perfect face. "I will not tolerate this madness. Both of you... you're... you're out of your minds!" she said, emphasizing the last sentence with a perfect anger, tears welling up in her sparkling orbs of eyes.

When a stunned silence ensued, Rosalyn continued. "Please," she whispered. Light... Ryuzaki... can't you see?" And there was a heavy, dramatic silence, the entire room hardly daring to breathe, waiting for what this perfect girl was going to say.

Then Mogi sneezed.

"BLESS YOU," screamed a voice from a window. Everyone snapped up and looked, and there was a hot air balloon floating by with three people in it. The person who had blessed Mogi was named Lindsey. Her companion, Mikomikokoro, added shrilly, "BB LOOOOVES STRAWBERRY JAAAAAAM!" And Kaiko Aozora's eye twitched. Twice.

They all turned their attention back to the severe situation at hand. "Light... Ryuzaki..." she murmured, glancing at the two desperate and radically different faces in front of her. The one on the left had a neatly cut and dyed Asian haircut, holding an expensive diamond ring, and was also Kira. The one on the right had deep bags under his eyes and an unhealthy sugar addiction, a half eaten Ring Pop, and was looking to serve justice to Kira. But there was one thing both of them had in common: and it was the love sick, glazed, puppy dog expressions plastered onto both their faces. Desperation clearly emitted from both of them as they both silently begged Rosalyn to be their wife.

And deep inside Rosalyn's perfect, pristine heart of gold, she had a sudden realization (or, in fancier terms, an epiphany). Her bottom lip quivered and she looked back and forth between the two, while blinking perfectly twice. She backed up into the wall some more, hand clutched at her chest, and tears welled up in her perfect rose colored eyes as she knew what she had to say. Taking a deep, perfect breath, Rosalyn finally whispered, "I can't... Oh, Light. Ryuzaki... I can't! For you two are perfect for each other!" She said, closing her eyes and shaking her head, perfect tears clinging to her luscious eyelashes.

With a small sob, she ran from the room, hurt that she had hurt these two desperate boys, for she could not hurt anyone without hurting herself! Her tears dripped and splashed to the ground delicately as the elevator shot down, and she sobbed and sobbed into her handkerchief (that was produced out of nowhere).

In her own mind, her tragic past had prevented all that. When Rosalyn was younger, her parents divorced, and then both died in car accidents, causing her to live in the streets. She had to work as a stripper to make a living by in the worst part of town. She was beautiful, but no one appreciated it. Although she was perfect, no one in school liked her and jeered her, and she became withdrawn and sad. No one ever loved her.

The two people she ever trusted in her life betrayed her. She had come home from work one day and found her boyfriend making out with her best friend, both half clothed. But she had forgiven them, for she understood deep down their need and longing that she would never meet.

When she was merely a young, crisp girl of thirteen, she had been kidnapped several times a day and used as a slave, doing back breaking work in a household whereas everyone else sat on golden chairs and sipped wine as she scrubbed the floors. She wore the same pair of shoes of years until her toes poked out! And Rosalyn knew, she knew how it felt to live such a desperate, tragic life.

But one day, when Ryuk descended upon her tragic, tragic past and lifted her up gently into the Shinigami world, her life changed from that point on.

Back to the present.

Meanwhile, in the room, a dark gloom descended upon all that were in it. Ryuzaki and Light both stood there in their kneeling positions, in shock at the sudden departure of Rosalyn. The room seemed infinitely times more empty and dark without the angel.

A wail broke the silence.

"NOOOOOO!" shrieked Misa, who clutched at her face and sobbed hysterically into Mogi's arms. "NOOOOOOOOOOO! ROSALYN!" Misa mourned. Who cares if she just left the room? "MY LOVE! OH, MY ONLY LOVE!" And Misa fell onto the floor, crying, crying, crying, as Light and Ryuzaki looked at each other in disbelief.

For who on earth could be as perfect as Rosalyn?

* * *

Hello, Christian Jaw here, considering the fact that Crane Yank is off doing some French homework. We apologize for no updating sooner, but we've set the date to update on every Friday (or try to, anyway).

In all truth, this is a story so we can slowly take over the world! Insert manical laugh here.

Anyhow, I'd like to give thanks to all our reviewers, and as you can see, they were featured here! YAY! And also, keep writing reviews! Keep subscribing and we'll keep writing this horrible story!

See you next time.

And Rosalyn has a fanpage now! Yee! Check our homepage on our profile!


	5. Matsuda's Masterplan

Hello, everyone! Christian Jaw here. Crane Yank is idle on GTalk so I guess I'll speak out.

Welcome to Chapter 4 of the most awesome fanfic ever.

By the way, we forgot to add the people that gave us good reviews this time around. But we'll add you next time! -manical laughter-

Anyway. We apologize for the slow update (finals kill us) but remember... REVIEWREVIEWREVIEWWWWWW! And we'll wrap up this story by the end of summer. 3 Have fun!

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_I need information,_ thought Matsuda to himself, while carefully brushing his hair with his Barbie Magic Beach Land hairbrush. He threw the hot pink brush into the sink, a frustrated expression on his face, while slamming both his hands onto the bathroom sink, which caused a tube of toothpaste to crash onto the floor.

"That girl...!" he snarled to himself, gnashing his teeth in frustration. "She has ruined my life. How will I pay for my Lucky Star DVD's without my paycheck? I must get rid of her. Must get rid of her... Must get rid of her... Must get rid of her... Must... must... must... get get get... rid of her. Her. Her." Matsuda, once again, was spacing out, but who cares? "I must go investigate."

And so, he strolled confidently out of his tiny apartment room into the hall, before realizing he was not wearing pants.

Five minutes later, this time with pants on, he walked to the Touto Building. Of course, he couldn't sneak in due to the fact Ryuzaki would probably beat the living crud out of him, but he could always hang out for Rosalyn to come out. And this time around, he was not disappointed.

No one could mistake that flowing hair, that perfect body! Rosalyn rushed out of the front doors of the Touto Building, sobbing unashamedly into her hands. Several passerby stopped and stared, and a few young men instantly were gravitated toward her, seized by an unexpected instinct to comfort this girl. Not Matsuda, however, who stood there as Rosalyn ran straight into his arms (again) and cried and cried. The young men gave Matsuda glares (accompanied by the cracking of knuckles), but they left the two alone.

"Uh, hey," said Matsuda, unsure as of what to do with a perfect girl crying in his arms. On the contrary, he was quite disgusted, because he did not enjoy being cried on, especially with his favorite shirt. Thus, he edged away until Rosalyn managed to regain her composure.

"Oh! Oh, Matsu, Matsu," she cried, once again reaching for his warm, comforting arms, but Matsuda managed to dodge her hideous claws of death (as he rightly imagined). Rosalyn settled for standing there, a foot away from Matsuda, as she sobbed openly: "Oh, Matsu!" Matsuda's eye twitched; he didn't like that hideous nickname at all. "Light and L both proposed to me, but I had to r-reject them b-both..." Then she burst into tears again. Matsuda openly observed how she couldn't stand the pain of others, and grimaced at the dangerous being in front of him, as he certainly couldn't Light nor L proposing to anyone.

"I'm, uh, I'm so sorry." said Matsuda uncertainly, inching away some more as Rosalyn looked up at him, wanting to dash into his masculine, strong, arms.

And Rosalyn, in all her innocent blood, was as clean as snow; but when she looked at Matsuda, she felt something stir deep within her, something that was buried deep in her crystalline heart of perfect crystal. Her heart skipped a perfect beat as she processed Matsuda's messy hair, the shape of his face, his clueless expression - and suddenly, all the love that was still beneath the scars of her tragic past burst open. Her eyelashes fluttered, and she gasped as she realized - _I love Matsuda!_

However, the only noise she managed to whimper in this sudden, shocking epiphany, was 'Oh.'

"Oh." Rosalyn whispered, clutching her chest and staring awestruck at Matsuda.

Meanwhile, Matsuda was becoming more and more afraid, as Rosalyn suddenly clutched her chest, whispered 'Oh' in a most breathtaking and perfect way, and stared fixedly at Matsuda as if he were her personal Jesus.

"Oh." Rosalyn repeated, tears gathering in her eyes as she realized, finally realized, she had found her one, her only true soul mate. "M-Matsuda... I don't know how to t-tell you this. But I..." Rosalyn took a shuddering breath (perfectly) and willed her perfect courage up. "Matsuda. I... I think I l-love you!" she squeaked, tears now rolling freely down her pristine cheeks of perfection, but alas! they were tears of joy.

"You _what_?" cried Matsuda, thunderstruck, and leaping back in horror. "You _love _me! You've known me for less than twenty-four hours! How can you love me? I barely spoke a paragraph to you!" Matsuda was now very, very worried, for he did not enjoy getting scary, perfect girls throwing themselves at him, although deep down in his heart Matsuda always knew he had a secret, smoldering charm for the ladies.

"But... Matsu," whispered Rosalyn. "Can't you see? The moment I saw you, the moment you caught me in your arms..."

"You _fell_ into my arms," muttered Matsu, but Rosalyn appeared not to hear,; so immersed in her fantasy world was she!

She continued, perfectly. "And now... what do I do? Oh, Matsu!" Rosalyn cried, flinging herself into Matsu's arms, who was unable to step away quickly enough from her this time. He glanced around him, hoping the moment would not be caught on film. "There there," he said rather nervously, in a futile attempt to comfort Rosalyn enough for her to release her tight grip on his clothes.

_Well_, thought Matsuda. _If I can use today to discover her weakness, then... then it'll... it'll be worth it!_ With this thought in mind, Matsuda swallowed bravely.

"Rosalyn," he began formally, and Rosalyn's perfect eyes immediately snapped to his face, her grip on his clothes slackening the slightest bit. _Wait no, I need to be... more intimate. Yes. __T__hat._ He tried again. "Rosie-darling," he whispered, hardly able to believe that such atrocious words were escaping his lips.

"Yes, Matsu?" murmured Rosalyn perfectly, who was delighted that Matsuda had called her Rosie, her perfect face lighting up immediately.

_My dignity is a noble sacrifice to get rid of this horrendous monster!_ thought Matsuda courageously, who was actually pissing his pants at the moment. _I... I can do this!_

"Uh," said Matsuda awkwardly. "Uh, Rosalyn, so... why don't we go shopping?"

"Oh! Oh, of course, Matsu - Matsu! Is this our first... d-date?" cried Rosalyn, who stuttered the last word and was blushing perfectly (and ferociously). She was a most delicate shade of bright tomato red! But perfect.

"Uhm. Yeah. Date." Matsuda wrung his hands together nervously. "Where would you like to shop?"

"Anywhere with _you, _Mastu honey pumpkins!" cooed Rosalyn adoringly and perfectly, as she played with Matsuda's tie by tying it and retying it. Matsuda gagged, but passed it off as a cough. "Oh, Matsu. I know we should take this relationship very seriously,." _Since when did this become a relationship? _thought Matsuda, instantly filled with dread.

"Rosalyn, you're attractive, beautiful, charming, dangerous, enticing, fetching, gorgeous, hawt, irresistable, just a supermodel, kingly, lovely, marvelous, nice, overwhelming, Perfect, queenly, ravishing, sexily stunning, tempting, unearthly, vivacious, winsome, xylophone, yummy, and zesty! But-"

"But what, sugar-creampuff-dear?" cried Rosalyn, now drunk with happiness, her ruby eyes glistening with tears of perfect joy!

"But.. you're so... you're so _perfect_!"

Matsuda did not know how someone could be xylophone, but Rosalyn did not seem to mind, for she was perfect, and knew exactly how a person could be xylophone. Thus Matsuda decided that whatever he said would have no effect on this girl, and swallowed bravely. Again. "Shall we go, Rosie honey bunches of oats?" Rosalyn nodded most eagerly and linked her arms through his, giving Matsuda an unpleasantly burning sensation where her hand linked with his perfectly.

Matsuda felt the pitter-patter of rain begin to fall, and he could finally get away from this monster. "Rosalyn, it's raining, so let's go some other ti-"

Rosalyn was wearing a raincoat while holding an umbrella, looking at the downpour of rain with tears running down her cheek again.

"How can you be wearing that thick coat!" cried Matsuda from the downpouring rain. "You were wearing skimpy summer clothes only seconds ago!"

"I don't know..." sobbed Rosalyn as she stared depressingly (but perfectly) into the sky. "I... I'm just..." She took a deep gulp of air. "I'm just remembering my past. It's j-just so difficult, you know?"

"You... you control the _weather?_" said Matsuda incredulously. He made a quick mental note. "I mean, uh... Rosie-dear... it's okay." He cautiously put his arm around the sobbing-yet-perfect girl.

"Oh, Matsu!" cried Rosalyn for the second time that day. "Matsu... you'll never leave me, right? Right?" She started sobbing again into Matsuda's Coat, which didn't seem to mind as much as Matsuda did. In fact, the Coat seemed rather happy to have this perfect girl sobbing into it.

"Yee," said the Coat.

Rosalyn removed her face from the Coat, much to its disappointment, and smiled at Matsuda. "I knew you wouldn't!" She had apparently mistaken the coat for Matsuda. The sky cleared, and the sun shone happily again. The birds sang and the clouds smiled, and warm beams of perfect sunshine came from the sun. Matsuda had a feeling that the very law of physics, if Rosalyn wished, could be broken into a million trillion pieces if she so had wished. _This girl is... is... DANGEROUS! _Matsu realized thunderously, his eyes widening as he realized this.

"There there," murmured Matsuda. He put his arms gingerly around Rosalyn and steered her into a Starbucks that magically appeared behind him, though it was most likely summoned by Rosalyn unconsciously.

They drank coffee. And more coffee. And more.

"Mm, coffee," said Matsuda. Rosalyn beamed perfectly at him, sipping her coffee perfectly.

"Oh, this is such a romantic date!" she cried, without any trace of sarcasm. Tears of joy made their way down her perfect cheeks. And even though it was a coffee shop without any of those romantic candlelit dinners, it was indeed romantic. Because, you know, Rosalyn's perfect. And she can make any situation romantic, if she wishes it.

And thus, the Starbucks was transformed into some outdoor thing, with fireflies hovering above the table, which was occupied completely with empty coffee cups. Rose petals were scattered all over the ground while suddenly hot and low jazz music boomed softly from a boom box. All the rose bushes out front sprouted roses simultaneously, causing Matsuda to pluck one and hand it to Rosalyn.

"Because of your name, Rosalyn, it reminds me of this rose, although you are far more perfect," said Matsuda huskily, although on the inside his soul was strangling himself on it's noose from the horrendous words escaping his lips.

"Oh," said Rosalyn, tears streaming down her cheeks again as she gently caressed Matsuda's hand perfectly, accepting the rose.

Matsuda couldn't take it anymore, only barely suppressing a shudder. "I... I have to go, Rosie-dear." He stood up abruptly, nearly knocking over the romantic table.

"Matsu-darling," cried Rosalyn, clutching onto the back of his Coat perfectly, her teardrops landing onto the table, which shimmered like diamonds, but more perfect. "Please... I'll... I'll always be here for you," she choked out perfectly. Matsuda turned back, hiding his horrified expression just in time before smiling weakly at Rosalyn. Rosalyn smiled back perfectly, her face expressing all the happiness anyone could ever have if they were perfect.

He slammed the door behind him, drenched in cold sweat. _I... I have enough details about this monster! I feel like... almost like a Gryffindor._


	6. The Tortuous Telephone Booth

Christian Jaw and Crane Yank, your humble authors, apologize profusely from the lack of updates.

This originally was a very long chapter, but we cut it in half.

Due to popular demand, Mello and Near will be making appearances VERY soon... so add us and stay tuned!

Also, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. Please? 3

We remind you readers out there that good reviewers will get featured in the next chapter!

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"Argh," arghed Matsuda as he lay prostrate on his apartment floor. He could still feel his head throbbing from the effects of perfect, perfect Rosalyn.

He gazed at his Lucky Star posters, which covered nearly every inch of his small apartment building room. There were no signs of the beige wall that he could see, and every day and every night he would gaze ever so restfully at the inanimate cute darlings around him!

But he was not to be distracted. He knew. He knew that there must be a plan to get rid of the perfect girl. Matsuda jumped off his Lucky Star bedspread and wrote in his Lucky Star note book, thinking very intensely.

_1. She doesn't like seeing others in pain._  
_2. She generates things from no where._  
_3. She controls the weather._  
_5. She has to repay every debt, and..._  
_4. She has a nice butt._  
_6. Always believes anything anyone says, no matter what._  
_7. She is very gallant and she will always sacrifice herself to save someone else of their pain!_  
_8. She is dangerous._  
_9. I'm hungry._

This was when Matsuda heard a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at his chamber door.

He screamed like the manly man he was, clutching terrifically at his Konata pillow. "It's _her_," he breathed quietly. "Oh... no."

The knocking on the door became more apparent and louder. Matsuda, terrified as he was, swallowed up his fear and swung open the door, clutching his anime pillow viciously and then shrieking loudly at whoever was at his front door at this ungodly hour: "GO AWAAAAAAY!"

A FedEx agent stood there, the nametag reading WhiteLadyDragon, and stared for a few moments at Matsuda. There were two other people behind her, holding heavy boxes while staring dumbfounded at the man in a suit clutching an anime pillow and shaking with fear. Miss Bright, who was holding another box behind WhiteLadyDragon, gave a worried glance at scrambled-eggs-at-midnight, who liked to eat scrambled eggs at midnight.

"Uh, sir, we have your anime supplies," muttered WhiteLadyDragon while raising an eyebrow. The two behind her were stifling their laughter and shaking silently.

"You have to sign th-" started Miss Bright and scrambled-eggs-at-midnight together.

"THANK YOU," roared Matsuda, who did not want to seem like a pussy, and grabbed all three boxes before slamming the door in their face.

He sat down and wiped his face, heart still thundering traitorously in his chest. Seriously! He had forgotten about that... But Rosalyn didn't know where he lived... there was no way she could visit him at his tiny apartment. Yes, absolutely _absurd_...

There was another knock on his door. Sighing, Matsuda got off the couch and opened it up, expecting the FedEx people to have him sign the paper. Instead, he was literally blown off his feet and flew back 10 feet into the room as the force of Rosalyn's perfectness shook the building... perfectly.

"Hello, Matsu-su-dahhh-ling!" she cried perfectly, stepping in the room and causing several of the posters on Matsuda's wall to sigh with longing. The Vase shrieked with pleasure as Rosalyn dropped a perfect daisy perfectly into it, which perfectized immediately.

[A/N: Yes, perfectized. It's a word now. But only Rosalyn is perfect enough to be capable of perfectizing something.]

"It's you," muttered Matsuda, with as much disgust and horror as he could muster into his voice. Rosalyn either didn't notice or didn't mind the hate in his voice, for Rosalyn was perfect, and perfect people understand that people didn't always mean what they said or communicated.

Rosalyn sat next to Matsuda, and touched his arm lightly, all the while gazing at him at him with all the love in the world. If it were not Matsuda and perhaps some other person in his place, this is the part where he (or she) says an angel was looking at him (or her) perfectly and he (or she) felt his (or her) heart melt and everything was right and Twilight never existed and there was world peace. On a side note, mind your pronoun agreement, kids.

Matsuda, however, thought it was one of the most repulsive things he had ever witnessed.

"Oh, Matsu," she cooed perfectly. "I have found an orphanage! Oh, the poor children - I was just walking past - do you... do you think... we c-can have a look at them?" She stuttered perfectly, her rose pink eyes flushing to an even more shade of pink while also blushing furiously, though perfectly.

"You... you what?"

"Let's have a look at the kids, Matsu-su! So we can practice f-for later when we have kids!" Rosalyn said perfectly, clutching onto Matsuda's arm and tears streaming perfectly down her cheeks again as she imagined the perfect scene within her perfect head in a perfect manner.

Matsuda was too horrified at what Rosalyn was saying to chastise her for his disgusting new nickname. Look at kids? What were they, a married couple? They were going to adopt kids? Practice? _Pratice_!

"I..." began Matsuda, uncertain how to tell Rosalyn that they were most definitely not together, as surely as Shikamaru and Ino are not a pair.

"Oh, Matsu!" cried Rosalyn, flinging her perfect self perfectly into Matsuda's arms. "I _knew_ you would agree! It's just so... tragic, you know. Orphans... they don't have any parents, and who knows what... what... what they've gone through?"

"Er," said Matsuda, not sure what to say, since he wasn't an orphan. He coughed to abate the awkward silence.

"I'm so glad you agreed," cried Rosalyn, her perfect face illuminating the whole room as she grabbed Matsuda and then yanked him out of the room, perfectly. "You're such a dear," she cooed perfectly and pinched Matsuda's cheeks, causing them to burn bright red in the shape of hearts where Rosalyn had pinched him (although her fingers were certainly not heart shaped, for she had perfect fingers. Not saying that heart-shaped fingers aren't perfect, it was just that Rosalyn had the most perfect shape of fingers, and to say that they were heart or even oval shaped was an insult, considering you can't even describe how perfect her fingertips are.)

With his cheeks still smarting painfully, Matsuda was yanked out of the apartment, and his Coat was shrieking silently with pleasure as Rosalyn pulled him (pulled him perfectly and gently that is) through the door and out into the street.

"Let us walk!" Rosalyn cried, linking her arms through Matsuda's and strolling perfectly down the street. There is no way to describe how perfectly Rosalyn walked - it was a mix between a strut (no way would Rosalyn ever strut, only prissy princesses strut, and Rosalyn was perfect and definitely not a prissy princess) and a delicate gait and a model walk. Not that she did any of the three, for she was far too perfect.

Actually, let me rephrase that. Rosalyn could not be described with _any_ of those terms. Let's just say she walked with delicate steps, like rose petals falling softly over a bowl of crystal water while there was perfect soft violin music (most notably played by Crane Yank, except Crane Yank cannot play violin perfectly) in the background. That's how perfect Rosalyn walked. And needless to say, it was simply perfect.

But anyway! Matsuda looked like a drunken, bumbling, stumbling fool next to Rosalyn as she walked. She pressed the button to cross the street and all the people and cars parted like Mickey's enchanted broomsticks' flood before the sorcerer. The button she pressed turned into perfect diamonds and the sidewalk she touched with her perfect shoes turned into solid crystal that sparkled perfectly in the shape of the most perfect footprints known to man. A man riding a bicycle crashed into a telephone phone while staring at Rosalyn's perfect, rippling, flowing, luscious figure.

_It can't be_! Matsuda thought sickly. _It seems... but no. Her powers increase the longer she stays here! It's like a rose in the room. Eventually the perfume of the flower fills the whole room. But it's too early to say anything so far... I'll have to watch her some more._ Matsuda shuddered. If Rosalyn hadn't loved him perfectly with her perfect heart, he would have surely been as intelligent as a vegetable by now. (Not to say that vegetables weren't intelligent. Take that carrot over- Ah, never mind. I digress.)

"This way," murmured Rosalyn as she marched Matsuda toward a telephone booth. Matsuda shot her a confused and panicked look, wondering if she was bring him to his doom. _I can't be in such a cramped and tiny space with her! I'll die! Or worse!_

Rosalyn glanced perfectly at Matsuda and immediately noted his bewildered emotions. She leaned closer to him and shyly whispered, "The orphanage.. it's in England. I'm s-sorry I did-d-dn't tell you - I was s-so scared you would get angry!"

"_England?_" exploded Matsuda. How were they going to get to England? Come to think about it, how did Rosalyn even get to England in the first place? _Does she sprout wings? Does she have time warping powers? Where is she taking me? What _is _England? IS SHE GONNA KILL ME? I'M GONNA DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE YET I'M STILL YOUNG AND I HAVE A WHOLE LIFE YET TO LIVE AND AJDFKSA;JKA;.asdfsjfkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk AND I WANT MY MOMMY._

He swallowed bravely in attempt to calm his thoughts. "No, never! I would _never_ get angry at _you_, Rosie-darling." He mentally congratulated himself on his ability to choke out those disturbing words, although he wasn't sure if he had really said it. He wondered if he had lost his mind. _Do I even have a mind to lose?_ he pondered ponderously.

[A/N: Meanwhile, the authoress has cut her finger on a sharp scissor and will leave momentarily to put on a bandage before she bleeds over her keyboard.]

[Insert pause here.]

[A/N: She is back.]

"Oh, Matsu!" squealed Rosalyn perfectly. "I _knew_ you wouldn't get mad at me!" She clung onto his arm even tighter, and his Coat was positively pink with embarrassed delight. In fact, it sprouted roses (how apt) and bunnies and chocolate and sparkles and all things cute and good and fluffy. _This can't be happening!_ thought Matsuda. _I'm a manly man! I don't wear pink or roses or bunnies or chocolate or sparkles or anything cute and good and fluffy!_ He attracted some strange looks from passerbys, and he could swear he heard one mutter to his companion, "Dude, look at that guy. Is he gay?"

Before he could whirl around and shout a response, Rosalyn had steered him into the phone booth. All the cracks in the window mended themselves, and the dusty walls cleared and revealed bright new paint underneath. The phone was cleaned of years of fingerprints, and all the cigarette butts disappeared from the ground to be replaced by freshly grown flowers and the delightful pictures of prancing rainbow robot unicorns.

"We're going to England! I'm so happy! I'm so _glad_ that you're coming with me! Oh, Matsu- this is a dream come _true_!" said Rosalyn delightedly and perfectly.

Matsuda resisted the urge to bite off his tongue. Instead, he smiled at Rosalyn, but she was at the phone perfectly and looking at it quizzically (and perfectly). "Let's see," she said perfectly, and not a moment later, the world outside the phone booth's glass walls swirled quickly. Matuda screamed and crouched down, covering his head to protect himself. He felt a tight jerk in his belly button, as if a hook had picked him up and was spinning him around quite rapidly. (This is totally not a Harry Potter allusion.)

Matsuda, who had never been good with heights or spinning telephone booths, instantly felt his entire handsome face go green. Rosalyn noticed immediately (and perfectly) that Matsuda was like a smoking volcano which was about to explode at any second. But it was too late - Matsuda projectile-vomited into the side of the telephone booth, and it ricocheted violently off the glass walls and straight onto the picture of the prancing rainbow robot unicorn.

But thanks to Rosalyn's amazing perfection, the vomit immediately transformed into gracefully fluttering silk shawls which danced in the perfect wind that had mysteriously risen.

"Oh, Matsuda! Are you all right?" wailed Rosalyn perfectly. She put her perfect fingers on his cheeks perfectly, and he weakly stood up. "Oh, good!" she beamed perfectly. "We're in England!"

Matsuda, somewhere in his Lucky Star filled head, vaguely recalled that people in England spoke English, not Japanese. But apparently, this was not a problem for Rosalyn. Since Rosalyn was perfect, she could fluently speak all languages even if they were isolated Egyptian tribes that had gone extinct eons ago. In fact, Rosalyn's perfectness in language extended to the people around her: Everyone found themselves speaking the same language. Somehow. Because, you know, Rosalyn was perfect. And perfect people can do anything.

In his terror, Matsuda's eyes began to glaze over as he continued to allow himself be led by Rosalyn perfectly from the phone booth and onto the road towards the orphanage. The passerbys - who, upon seeing Rosalyn's perfectness, trembled in awe and worship - later compared Matsuda to one of those children that mothers lead on leashes.

"Matsu," murmured Rosalyn perfectly. When Matsuda didn't respond, Rosalyn gave him a perfectly concerned and perfect look perfectly. "Matsu-dear, are you sure that you're all right?"

Matsuda shook himself violently. "I, uh, yeah. Yes. I'm" - here he gave a small, short cough - "perfectly fine."

Rosalyn latched herself even tighter on his arm, perfectly. "Matsu, I- I forgot to tell you, a-and I h-hope you won't get m-m-mad at-t me." Her lip trembled perfectly. "B-But I already requested the two most darling, helpless children for a meeting already... i-is that all right?"

Matsuda felt like cutting his arm off with a chainsaw, but he managed to grin weakly and assure Rosalyn: "Why, Rosalyn, you perfect dear, I never knew you were so compassionate about this!" Matsuda was proud of himself for the amazing verbal skills he just unearthed within himself.

Rosalyn giggled perfectly, which was the sound of perfect sheep bleating shyly in a meadow full of soft, swaying grass, and pushed open the door to the orphanage, sealing Matsuda's doom.

* * *

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	7. The Marvelous Magical Girl

Hey, everyone, it's been a long year while we struggled tragicallly with our lives (#firstworldproblems). But two days ago, we decided, "Damn it! It's been such a while and we haven't finished Rosalyn!" Needless to say, it's been eating at us for a long time, and we're pleasured to pleasure you with the newest chapter of eye-burning perfection.

Meanwhile, recap of what had been going on, in case you've forgotten where our saga has been going, although we'd much rather you go back and read it because we're lazy and terrible authors.

One day, perfect Rosalyn, the most perfect girl ever, (because Rosalyn _can _be _most _perfect) found herself in the Death God World, where she was awarded six Death Notes and brought to the human world. She found herself in the midst of Ryuuzaki's hotel room, full of detectives fighting to end Kira. Immediately, everyone falls in love with her, except for Matsuda, who is oblivious to her perfection.

Now, Rosalyn, has dragged Matsuda, her soul mate and love of her live, forcibly through a telephone booth and into a mysterious orphanage in England, where they are going to see two children Rosalyn wants to adopt.

* * *

As the door to the orphanage swung open, Matsuda had the strangest feeling of doom and destiny converging upon one another in this moment.

It was a well kept room; books lined the shelves and the carpet bore no dust. A wrinkled old man sat upon a chair in front of a desk (reminding Matsuda horribly of his elementary school teacher), his fingers drumming impatiently against the desk. He eyed the clock, and the moment Rosalyn stepped into the room, it began to chime at 2 o' clock, because Rosalyn was perfect and was always perfectly on time.

"Hello, my _dear _man," smiled Rosalyn. Immediately, the effects of her perfect, velvet smile (if smiles could be velvet, then Rosalyn would be the one that could make them velvet) warmed the room up considerably, even going so far as to brighten the general complexity of things, such that the entire room was bathed in a fluorescent light for a second or two. Except that it was more of a natural light than fluorescent, for Rosalyn could be nothing but natural - naturally perfect, of course. Or perfectly natural. Take your pick.

Just then, a white-haired boy in the corner who had been sitting in the corner, fiddling with crude plastic figurines, lifted his head and met Rosalyn's eyes.

"Oh, my _dear_child," cried Rosalyn immediately, a perfect flush of happiness creeping up her perfect, perfect cheeks. She rushed over, and touched his toys. Immediately, the figurines morphed and cleared, becoming detailed and lifelike.

Near felt his throat go dry, and his brilliant mind, full of cogs and pulleys, stopped for the first time in his life. This... this _perfect_ woman, before his eyes... so... so... _perfect_! He was going to do something. What was he going to do? He couldn't remember...

Rosalyn's perfect eyes softened perfectly at the distress of this young child, but just as she was about to speak words to him, she felt a tug and turned around. There was a blond, wide-eyed child, who was eating a chocolate bar.

"NEARRRR," the child shrieked. "NNNNOOOOO SHE IS MINEEE."

Both children promptly dive-bombed Rosalyn, and she uttered a single, perfect shriek as she fell perfectly upon the carpet. Matsuda could only gape uselessly, wondering how to handle the two now-vicious children as they clung onto Rosalyn's smooth, pearly, perfect arms.

The sound of tiny drumming feet quickly filled the hallway as the other children came in to see what all the commotion was about, and Matsuda was shoved onto the floor as a flood well-dressed younglings ran into the room. For a second, the blond boy and the white haired one stopped fighting as Rosalyn got up, her hair perfect and her breath coming in adorable, perfect, little gasps. Then all hell broke loose.

The crowd of children surged onto Rosalyn, probably attracted to her perfect figure. Or maybe it was the sound of her perfect breathing - or her silky smooth hair, that fell to the floor? Mayhaps it was her perfect eyes, that drew all attention to them, which were, at the moment, a delicate color of pink newborn baby skin, with a touch of lilac, framed by her perfectly curled dark eyelashes (what color they are, we cannot say, for they are a mix of blood red and blood purple and blood black, but perfect).

"Take me home with you, Miss," chorused the little voices as they scrambled over her body, all eager to join that perfect lady. _Help_, thought Rosalyn faintly and perfectly, but she didn't make a sign of discomfort, because her perfectly kind heart understood the children's needs for a motherly figure.

Matsuda hoped she was suffocating. But alas, this was not to be.

"Galactic... rose... shimmer... power!" came a beautiful, perfect cry amongst the writhing bodies of young children. A blinding light came from the center of the children, and suddenly, a violent force of love emanated from within, blasting the pile away from the epicenter. All children, however, landed safely on their behinds, with perfect, non-vampiric sparkles. And amidst the perfect, neat rubble of the perfect explosion, stood Rosalyn, her hair flowing perfectly behind her although there was no wind, dressed with Frills Of Justice. The smell of rose petals came with each wave of her hair, and her outfit, dressed entirely in rose-pink-and-red petals, with sparkles, but perfect ones, was the most perfect superhero outfit _ever_.

Matsuda's eyes burned.

He noted that in one hand, she clasped one of those generic shoujo-anime transformation wands. Matsuda vaguely assumed that it used to be a toy, perhaps, maybe a puzzle, but when it came into contact with Rosalyn's hand, well...

The kindly old man stood up, his mouth half-opened in surprise. "Now, now, children. Settle down. Dear Miss Rosalyn is here only to see Mello and Near." He dabbed his bald forehead with his old gentlemanly napkin. "Miss Rosalyn, would you please escort them out before something serious happens?"

"Of course," replied Rosalyn seriously. Rosalyn, still in her mahou shoujo outfit, picked up Mello with one hand (Mello fainted in pleasure) and Near in the other (Near blacked out from the sheer ecstasy as well), and attempted to walk out the door - but was barricaded by a wall of small children, all looking determined to block her.

"No! Rosalyn! Take me home with you!" pleaded a little girl with a name tag of Christina Conlon. She promptly began to cry.

"I love you! Please!" demanded another child, aptly named volixia699, who was also clutching a butcher knife in hand.

"If you leave, I'm going to eat your soul," murmured HylianFox (previously known as eatinursoulz) dangerously, her eyes flashing with darkness and love.

Matsuda saw the familiar glaze of perfect tears in Rosalyn's coral-red eyes as she gently settled Near and Mello down on the floor. She took a cautious step forward, for she knew the balance of these children's hearts and minds were at risk. Oh, how she loved those children! The passion in her eyes was enough to set the world on fire (perfectly)!

She held up her transformation wand. Suddenly, the entire space around Rosalyn was illuminated by sparkles and a visible scarlet aura, and Rosalyn cried - perfectly, if I may add - "Floral scintillation sorporification!"

The scent of roses filled the front of the room where the children were standing, and in a moment, were covered by red scales that shimmered with the power of love and all that's good in the world. There was a flash of light as Rosalyn's perfect magic took hold, and then... silence.

All the children had fallen asleep, peacefully, perfectly.

Rosalyn, with a perfectly determined expression on her face, picked up Near and Mello again, and then hoisted Matsuda over her shoulder and flew into the telephone booth.

"Wow," breathed Matsuda, as Rosalyn set him back down again and began pressing the buttons on the telephone booth perfectly. "That was, uhm..."

"I know," smiled Rosalyn perfectly. Then her expression twisted perfectly, and her regular clothes appeared. She seemed perfectly relieved, and glad that Near and Mello were safe and sleeping soundly. "It seems like my magical powers only come on when I'm in need."

Matsuda managed to crank out a worried smile. _Dear God_, he thought. _This woman...she's a magical girl! Oh, Madoka! Please rescue her from becoming a witch, for surely..._

A sudden thought struck his mind, the impact of it sending him whirling back a few steps. He gasped dramatically, hands clutching at his chest, as the epiphany consumed his entire mind.

Meanwhile, Rosalyn was occupied with transporting them back to Japan. The portrait of the rainbow robot unicorn prancing happily through green fields was still there, but its robotic expression seemed to stare deeply into Matsuda's soul.

"Oh, Matsu-darling," cooed Rosalyn. Her perfect face was filled with pure happiness. "W-we have children now! _Our_children. Aren't you happy?" As she smiled beatifically, a radiance filled the entire telephone booth. A divine light shone from nowhere, and the scent of newly-blossomed roses filled the air.

"Yes, I'm h-happy," choked Matsuda, who pressed himself against the sparkling paint to be as far as possible from Rosalyn and was struggling not to breathe in the perfume. "Rosie-honey-dear," he added as an afterthought. His head spun, but he smiled bravely.

"I'm so glad!" squealed Rosalyn. She stepped over to clutch Matsuda, but he smoothly avoided her arms. His Coat sighed with disappointment.

Matsuda nodded curtly. He had a plan, now; he knew _exactly _how to get this creature from hell out of this world, and back to where she came from. Matsuda was immensely pleased with himself, and decided to treat himself to a drink or two afterwards.

Meanwhile, Rosalyn had finished pressing the buttons on the telephone booth perfectly, and the booth began to twirl sickeningly. This time, though, Matsuda was prepared for the violently sick motions that he attributed mainly to venomous roller coasters, and did not projectile vomit.

"Rosie," said Matsuda with dignity, after the telephone booth had stopped spinning. "I have to go." Before he could hear Rosalyn's response, he sprinted towards his apartment, leaving the perfect girl behind with her, no, _their_, new children.

* * *

Thanks for reading! We hope you enjoyed your perfection. It's not too late to go back and wash your eyeballs with some dirt and imperfect H2O.

Oh, yes. Our "Give Us Reviews, We'll Give You A Cameo If Your Review Is Good" deal is still ongoing because we are shameless and want reviews. If you're lucky, we'll put you in the next chapter, and PM you if you were selected once the chapter came out.

Anyway, thanks a lot for reading! We hope you're not dead yet!


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